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Sublime Squalor
Monday August 9, 2010
The living Catholic heritage of the San Juan Islands is unknown to most of the Postmodernists, Protestants, and State Bureaucrats who access these enchanted isles. Named After Saint John the Evangelist, the beloved disciple, these islands are the native habitat of countless eagles -the symbol of St. John's Gospel. It is here that the intercessory prayers of Blessed Kateri Tekakwitha have performed great miracles of healing for the Lummi Indians, prompting an official investigation from the Vatican. Named after the holy Rosary of the Blessed Virgin Mary, Rosario Strait runs through the heart of the isles, dividing them east and west. In the heart of this Straight, jutting out of the water to the east, is the virtually uninhabited gem of the San Juans, Cypress Island- the island of the Apostles. The island has twelve coves enshrouded in mist calling to mind the compline ode 'Jesus Christ who sits in glory on the throne of God, arrives on a misty cloud'. To the north is Pelican Beach, named for Christ, the 'Pelican of Heaven' for a mother pelican will strike her breast to nourish her chicks who then suckle the drops of blood. To the east is Eagle Harbor, once more, named for St. John's Gospel and the creature of the Apocalypse. Secret Harbor rests, shady and obscure, to the south; 'And I will give you the treasures of darkness, and hidden wealth of secret places'. The Apostolic number is repeated in the islands twelve lakes which are nestled beneath it's soaring ridges that reach 1000 feet in elevation. Douglas fir, rhododendron, salal, juniper, shore pine, pacific madrone, hemlock, and cedar cover the island and pond lillies, bald hip rose, ocean spray, and swamp cabbage bejewel her lakes. Vulpes vulpes, or the red fox has made his solitary home here, as well as the hawk, recalling the words of our Savior 'The foxes have dens, and the birds of the air have nests; but the Son of Man hath not where to lay His head.' Cypress Island shares its namesake with the Mediterranean island state of Cypress. It was here that St. Lazarus was later sent by the Apostles to proclaim the gospel and administer the Eucharist as bishop of that island, after he was resurrected by our Lord from being dead four days in a tomb. Once being dead ourselves, let us follow St. Lazarus in spirit to our own Cypress island halfway around the world. From the pebbled and driftwood shores of Eagle Harbor, one may quickly ascend 300 feet in elevation to verdant Reed Lake. In the silence one may hear 'A bruised reed He will not break, and the smoking flax he will not quench' and again 'What did you go out into the wilderness to see? A reed shaken by the wind?' A quiet pull will prompt one to ascend higher, another 400 feet in elevation to an abandoned airstrip that lines the spine of Cypress atop one of her highest ridges. An unnamed lake, covered in lilies, flanks the airstrip to the west and peekaboo views of the San Juans can be seen from the extreme north and south ends of the runway. A clearing in the sylvan setting bisects the airstrip east and west creating an aerial view of a cross- the appointed image of God for the visible and invisible worlds. From the airstrip one ascends yet another 100 feet in elevation to Bradbury Lake; pristine and solitary, a holy place with the mystical and palpable presence of Our Lord, His Blessed Mother, and all the angels and saints. Here one may renew their baptismal vows to Christ, who sanctified all waters by His baptism in the Jordan. After submerging oneself in these waters, one may see a species of brown salamander swimming amongst the reeds- a symbol of new life, and identical in appearance to the ones seen in the icon of the baptism of our Lord. The descent through forests, swamps, meadows and dales is begun as the sun drops behind the islands to the west, and back in Eagle Harbor the sky is orange and pink. The sea lions, heron, and cormorants join in the vespers hymn 'O Gladsome Light of the holy glory of the immortal, heavenly, holy blessed Father, O Jesus Christ: Having come to the setting of the sun, we behold the evening light, we sing to God; Father, Son, and Holy Spirit'. Such is the chronicle of another countless day on the untrodden and holy island of Cypress- the island of the Apostles.                    | | | |
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Monday January 4, 2010
It was difficult to know just how to go about presenting a lecture to Freshman English students. When asked to speak to the University of Washington English 121 class, I thought at least they could get exposed to something deeply beautiful. The perfect story has been written. In May of 1888, Englishman Oscar Wilde wrote a short fairy tale of such profundity and grace, that to read it is to lay bare the very makeup of our individual being. The way one reacts to this story will foretell their eventual destiny. Appropriate, I thought, for freshmen.
The students were given copies of the story and then asked to choose between 1 of 6 possible reactions. Each reaction had a corresponding envelope, which they received on their way out of the class.
This exercise has been effectively re-presented in blog form below…
STEP 1:
Read Oscar Wilde’s ‘The Nightingale and the Rose' by clicking on the following link:
The Nightingale and the RoseSTEP 2:
Choose the reaction that best fits you from the following options:
- It sucked
- I’m indifferent (B.A. major)
- I’m indifferent (B.S. major)
- It was lovely
- It was so lovely I wept
- It was so lovely I wept and I’m Eastern Orthodox or Catholic
STEP 3:
Read the note that corresponds to the reaction you chose:
____________________________________________________________________________ - It sucked
You suck!
____________________________________________________________________________ - I’m indifferent (B.A. major)
Rethink your what, where and why’s. Consider business school.
If you persist in the arts, you’ll eventually discover literary criticism as well as ways to marry your pragmatism with “art”. Just spare the rest of us.
Choose government work and an unimaginative spouse.
____________________________________________________________________________ - I’m indifferent (B.S. major)
Good luck in life. Sorry about Hillary Clinton.
Here are a few Sudoku’s…
____________________________________________________________________________ - It was lovely
Hold fast to your idealism. Preserve your innocence. Don’t seek
After suffering, it will come.
Avoid the weighty forces at this University that would turn you into “the student” or “the girl”.
Study abroad.
____________________________________________________________________________ - It was so lovely I wept
Now a thorn has pierced your heart. You are an aesthete and a romantic- perhaps a mystic. Unless you have sleeping dreams of your girlfriend or boyfriend wading in a lagoon at night under a dark purple starry sky, and you can see their heart glowing from behind their poncho- short of this, immediately break up with them. You are in that rare space where youth meets understanding and this shouldn’t be wasted on anything less pure and noble than the Nightingale’s path.
Extricate yourself from all things, and consider dropping out of college. Let go. Utterly let go. Give little heed to the demands of the body- seek that which is transcendent. A miniscule few “live up to their potential” and a miniscule few radically DON’T live up to their potential- choose one of these paths (the latter being more exalted). Make your life an art and pour yourself into this without vain self-awareness, but rather in self-emptying sacrifice.
____________________________________________________________________________ - It was so lovely I wept and I’m Eastern Orthodox or Catholic
Know that sooner or later, if not already, you will embark on a lifelong quest containing three stages…
First you will hear and respond to the call to asceticism and penitence, usually accompanied by the gift of tears. This will be a rich time full of lavish graces.
Secondly, a long period of dryness and abandonment will ensue, allowing for purification of the heart and the opportunity for you to volunteer fidelity.
Third and last is the way of the saints, where long striving in level two gives way to the deification of man through the permanent outpouring of the divine energies. –Here one may walk through walls and tame wild beasts. ____________________________________________________________________________
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Tuesday December 15, 2009
August 21st, 2007 The 4 minute mile-- The sound barrier of the track and field world. Considered impossible until May 6, 1954 when Englishman Roger Bannister ran it in 3: 59.4 seconds. In the Spirit of Chariots of Fire, I will not run on Sunday, but this Saturday at 11:56pm, I'm going to attempt to run the 4-minute mile atop the Queen Anne neighborhood, along a mile-long stretch of downhill ending at the bottom of the hill at the Seattle Pacific University campus. Paco ("Carlos Lewis") will be driving in front of me with a 10ft. by 10ft. 'sail' made out of plywood attached to the back of his truck so that I'll be pulled by it's wind draft. In case he has to brake quickly, a mattress is attached to the back of the 'sail'. A boom box will play "Eye of the Tiger". At the starting line is a porta potty in case I get nervous. At the finish line, I hope, will be you. A party will follow. ________________________________________________ August 25th, 2007 1. Walkie-talkie test at base camp... 2. A "minute 5" cigarette 3. The Charriot of Fire 4. The drawing room-- post op. | | | |
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Thursday December 10, 2009
The Church is the lushest of ecosystems without any extinct species. She is the great hospital for the souls of men, the house of God and gate of heaven- the garden of delights containing incorruptible fruits that restore us to incorruption. She is the Bride of Christ 1
Jesus Christ was spoken of specifically by Hebrew prophets for 3,000 years; the nature of his birth, and life, his teaching, his passion, his death and resurrection, his glorious ascension and dominion in the heavenly realms as well as over all creation. Other societies also produced prophets that prepared the way for Christ- like the Sibyls, Lau Tzu, Plotinus and Plato. Wise men, sages and ‘enlightened masters’ appeared. Some had disciples or spawned world religions. Some were charlatans, some were responding in varying degree to the divine energies of God, but none were God. None were prophesized about. None of them posited a claim of pre-eternal divinity made incarnate. None of them restarted, renewed, and recreated all of creation by their birth. None of them presented a cosmology so ancient and new, in fulfillment of prophesy, yet beyond the imaginings of men, accompanied by miracles and terrible power- presenting a holy path and a holy elixir that would rejuvenate and recapitulate our broken nature.
And then- in the fullness of time- angels, archangels, cherubim and seraphim escorted their pre-eternal God to earth, and he who snaps his fingers and creates galaxies, he who could not be contained by the entire universe, was contained in the womb of a virgin. The glory of God overshadowed her. She- the new ark of the new covenant- containing not the staff of Aaron the high priest, the tablets of the law and the manna, but rather the fulfillment of all these- our great High Priest, the Word of God, the Bread of Life.
At the birth of our Lord, wizards from the orient followed a star, shepherds beheld choirs of angels, rivers reversed their flow, birds hovered stationary, the invisible worlds stood in awe, and into a squalid and wabi-sabi scene, the king of endless glory was swaddled and placed in a feeding trough to be the nourishment of the world. At his side lay prostrate the ox and the ass, whose species he had created out of non-existence. Now in time and space, they would silently nuzzle and worship their maker.
He grew and was excellent in every way. ‘In him there is not only God but all the human race- He is the absolute fullness of both the uncreated First-Being and created being. Continuing in his eternal hypostasis as God, he conjoined in It divine nature with created nature. In the flesh he manifested the Fathers perfection to us- with extraordinary force he demonstrated the conjunction of God and man.’ He is no capricious deity amidst a pantheon of deities, but rather the creator of all visible and invisible worlds, the Alpha and the Omega, and the Lover of Mankind.
Immediately preceding him was the last and greatest of the prophets- John the Forerunner. And who has ever loved like ‘the Friend of the Bridegroom’- who leapt in his mother’s womb in proximity to the Savior. Before he was beheaded by worldly powers, he heard and witnessed at the Jordan River, the voice of the Father from heaven and the Holy Spirit descend upon our Lord in the form of a dove. He pronounced that here is ‘the Lamb of God who takes away the sins of the world, the thong of whose sandal I am not worthy to untie’. His (John's) was the perfect possession of a beautiful and complete aesthetic- an aesthetic of rustic impermanence that was achieved not as an end in and of itself, but as a by-product of a heart aflame with mystical union -wandering the wilderness, baptizing with water, preparing the way for the Master, supping on locusts and honey- more angel than man.
The one who John spoke of came amongst us as a man, walked in our midst and in the flower of his youth he addressed the multitudes. The blinding brightness of the beatitudes he spoke made dim the myriad philosophies of this world. He healed every infirmity, cured every illness, restored sight to the blind, walked on water, fed thousands with a few scraps, he cleansed the lepers, turned water into wine, calmed the storms and raised the dead. He said ‘come to me all you that labor and are burdened and I will refresh you, take my yoke upon you and learn of me because I am meek and humble of heart and you shall find rest to your souls for my yoke is sweet and my burden is light.’
He sought out the lonely places to fast and pray, and said that ‘foxes have dens, the birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay his head.’
He piped to us and we did not dance, he sang a dirge and we did not mourn. He took on our entire humanity because man must be sanctified by the humanity of God.
The gospel he preached revealed a meta-cosmic transcendence over what were then and now the best ideas of man; beatitude over and beyond success, abandonment over power, gifts over rights, complimentarity over equality, mystical theology over social science, and the Prince of Peace over politicians.
Sanctifying and transforming all human experiences with his own experience, he endured sorrows, scourging, the thorns, the nails, and the spear. Like a ragged stranger he was placed upon the cross. He promised paradise to a repentant thief that hung near to him, and took pity upon and forgave his cruel tormentors. With his body torn, his heart broken and melted like wax, he poured out the abyss of his mercy. At the hour of his death, a darkness covered the whole world and violent earthquakes shook the whole earth, prompting the emperor Caesar in Rome to conduct a fearful investigation, and philosophers in Egypt to exclaim “either the Creator of all the world now suffers, or this, visible world is coming to an end.”
And in fact it was. In fact it did. Christ, the new Adam, was the recapitulation of all creation. From a new garden, from a new tree- the wood of the cross- poured forth the sanguine fruit of the Tree of Life. From his side came a new bride, the Church, in the blood and water of Eucharist and baptism. The heavy curtain which veiled the holy of holies was rent asunder, and Christ our new high priest now comes to us from the tabernacle, through the royal doors of the iconostasis, intimately feeding us on his very body and blood, dipping our hearts into infinity.
But first he descended into the realms of the dead- proclaiming his way to all souls who ever came before him in created time and space. He burst the lugubrious doors of gloomy Hades by delivering the souls therein, and by breaking the jaws of death, the graves gave up their dead.
On the third day he arose from the tomb after a brilliant burst of the divine energies burnt his image on the burial shroud that wrapped him.
He ate and drank, and the astonished apostles pressed their hands in the hole in his side while he walked through walls, defied all laws of physics, and traveled about as if by teleportation.
Before a throng of hundreds he ascended into the sky- to the astonishment of the onlookers, and into the heights of starry heaven- to the astonishment of the celestial hierarchies. The cosmic catastrophe that occurred at the fall of our first parents resulting in the corruption of the visible worlds was now finally reversed by a greater and more awesome cosmic spectacle. The eternally begotten Son assumed his place on the throne of the undivided godhead, but now with a glorified human body. The first-fruit of a new creation, establishing and preparing the way for those who would join him. From his throne all history does unfold until the consummation of this age when he comes in glory from the heavens and ‘every eye will see Him, even those who pierced Him.’
In the meanwhile, his bride the Church administers his mysteries to the faithful and fulfills his command to ‘eat and drink his body and blood’.2 This is the Eucharist. This is the new and everlasting covenant.
In the Eucharist there is available to us the resurrected and glorified body of Christ, simultaneously containing the fullness of the entirety of his mystery; his birth, life, passion, death, descent into the dead, his resurrection on the third day, his ascension into heaven, his seating at the right hand of the Father, and his second and glorious coming again.
This is the only room without a ceiling. Satiety comes about in two ways- Either appetite is quenched because it desired things that are trivial, or because it becomes nauseous by being drawn to what is base and repugnant. In the latter case desire turns into loathing. But for those who enter into the mysteries of the most holy Eucharist, which is infinite and beautiful, desire becomes more intense and has no limit. ‘Filled with an ever increasing desire, the soul grows without ceasing, goes forth from itself, reaches out beyond itself, and, in so doing, is filled with yet greater longing’.
Even Romanticism, the most noble of worldly ideals, is plagued by a tragic and tinny disappointment post-consummation. Yet only with the Eucharist is this not so. It is the Bread of Angels, the torrent of pleasure- our daily and super-substantial bread, having every sweetness and savor and delight of taste. The quest for the Holy Grail, which has captured the imagination of the West for millennia-, is a quest that ends (and begins) at every chalice on every altar of the holy Catholic/Orthodox churches.
This is our destiny. This is our high calling. More than animals, and more than angels, we are made to unite the visible and invisible worlds, vivifying and sanctifying all of creation by our sanctification, which happens, through our partaking of the divine nature. This deification occurs in extraordinary ways but the seat and source of this process is the Eucharist that is contained within the sacramental liturgy, which is the interior life of the Church.
1. Other Christian denominations have eliminated and discarded more or less of what is critical for holistic catholic/orthodox fullness and are therefore impotent and dying. They lack the riches of apostolic tradition and authority, unable to escape the relativism that was birthed at their schism. Unable to unite even on doctrine. Destined to eat their own tail and splinter. They do not regularly produce saints, miracles, heroic virtue, culture, civilization, awe or reverence. This is the domain of the Catholic/Orthodox Church.
2. It’s been said that there are perhaps millions of people who hate the Church for what they think it is, and perhaps three people in the world who hate the Church for what it truly is. This would allow for the possibility that there are a few people in the world who have so thoroughly gone over to the dark side that they are wholly opposed to the light. And yet it is the Church’s teaching that we are not intrinsically evil, or even born neutral, but rather our souls are made in the image and likeness of God. We are macrocosms (our souls) within a relative microcosm (the universe). | | | |
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Monday June 16, 2008
Kathi Goertzen- the axis of the secular world. A non-Catholic saint, if there were such a thing. The lily of local news. The soft, delicately scented skin behind the kneecap of the otherwise puffy and septic Rupert Murdock corpse. Kathi Goertzen- the logical conclusion to a Georgia O’Keefe painting. Kathi Goertzen- an amalgam of angels, pears, halva extract and porcelain.
Not all beauty is so immediately accessible, and one has to train the senses towards it- learn the song of the sparrow, the candlestick bloom of the chestnut- the rise and the fall. Blah blah.
But this is only the first step. One must then learn to draw forth that which lies dormant. The mysteries of existence must be coaxed out of matter and form. Kathi Goertzen has a drink, and Kathi Goertzen has tears, but when Kathi Goertzen has mingled her drink with tears, then has the aesthetical atom been split releasing untold energies.
Such is the necessity and the mode of operations in which I must unearth the truth and beauty of my origins.
It’s 11:22pm. I turn on KOMO 4 news hoping to see her. Dammit, sports! Amidst her local news anchor peers- coke addicts, reprobates, perverts and narcissists- she is a study in beneficence and grace, and although I yearn to watch her, seeing her co-anchors triggers within me hot displeasure and despair. They are the crows that squawk and molest the falcon.
At last she appears. Her brow is burning. She starts in on a fluff piece about a sex scandal involving a Bellingham PTA leader. I can almost feel the heat through the screen- her temples are glistening with sweat- she’s on fire from within, either from brain tumors or some pulsing ecstasy. The shadows shift in the living room and she is speaking Sanskrit…. maybe Assyrian. I’m in my whitey-tighties. My voice cracks like an adolescent. She is weakening. There are a few more seconds before the commercial break. In words I comprehend, she says, “go to where it first began”.
Where it first began is a place I’ve never been. In a way, it doesn’t exist. There are a few old photographs. It was washed to the sea in a storm. It was a rin-tin beach shanty hugging the slopes of Magnolia bluff. It was no place to raise a baby, but I suppose, a suitable place to make one. By the time I was born, it was gone, and we were in some Eastside suburb, far from 18 W. Perkins Lane.
18 W. Perkins Lane on google earth is a phantasmagoric blur. Zoom in tight, or zoom out- everything is crystal clear, except on the lot itself, the pixels are arced and bent. ‘18 W Perkins lane’, I tell the cab driver. Now is the fullness of time, I tell myself. Now I go to the spot of my conception. Now will the atom be split.
With the airy intensity of a pontiff on retreat, I gently place my slippers outside the coach. The Madrona trees are bent and groaning, the Salal is hissing, I cinch up the hood of my windbreaker and even still, the wind buffets me with such violence I scarce lose heart. Perkins lane crumbles into nothing beyond the concrete barricade. Just before it, a palatial and properly engineered home is now nestled right inside the edge of what was 18 W.
Let me now choose words carefully because it is shortly hereafter that the senses fail. To the side of the house a mighty tree grows. A 33-year-old oak. On the night of my conception, some of the seed was spilt and on the slopes of the bluff this tree sprung forth. I know this. I know this the way a bent stick finds water. Here is where it first began! The storm intensifies. I am rapt in amazement, yet something diverts my attention. On the stonewall of the property, a focused breath of wind rents a tangle of honeysuckle asunder, revealing a black plaquard with gold lettering which reads ‘GOERTZEN’.
My heartbeat slows, my limbs go numb, and in the silence that occurs after a snowfall, I scramble down to the base of the oak. I prostrate myself on a grassy tuft between the trunk of the oak and the cellar door of the Goertzen home. A light softly breaks through her window above. A bough of the tree raps against it in the wind. The light goes out. Kathi Goertzen lays her head down at night on a pillow, on the spot of my conception. She is the angel with the flaming sword guarding the tree of life.
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